1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 2 00:00:13,033 --> 00:00:15,267 No. Go back in the basement 3 00:00:15,267 --> 00:00:18,133 Till I tell mom and dad about you. 4 00:00:18,133 --> 00:00:21,067 Stay. I'll go get you some food. 5 00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:34,167 Morning, D.J. 6 00:00:38,968 --> 00:00:41,467 Can I have the car tonight? 7 00:00:41,467 --> 00:00:43,100 Where are you going? 8 00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:45,901 Mother, I'm 17. You don't have to be overprotective. 9 00:00:45,901 --> 00:00:49,067 Yes, I do. I love that car. 10 00:00:49,067 --> 00:00:52,133 Roseanne, remember the poker game's here tonight. 11 00:00:52,133 --> 00:00:55,067 Why can't you have it at Chuckie's house? 12 00:00:55,067 --> 00:00:56,601 It's my turn. 13 00:00:56,601 --> 00:00:58,000 What's this? 14 00:01:00,067 --> 00:01:03,834 Dan, we shouldn't have let D.J. have that chemistry set. 15 00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:11,067 What have you got to say for yourself? 16 00:01:11,067 --> 00:01:14,100 Can I have a dog? 17 00:01:14,100 --> 00:01:17,100 We're not keeping it. That thing is disgusting. 18 00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:19,100 I'll take care of him. 19 00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:21,033 Honey, that's what you said 20 00:01:21,033 --> 00:01:22,501 About the frog and turtle 21 00:01:22,501 --> 00:01:25,100 And the goldfish and the mouse, 22 00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:27,534 And they're all in heaven now, 23 00:01:27,534 --> 00:01:28,534 Aren't they, honey? 24 00:01:28,534 --> 00:01:31,534 Mom, the dog stinks worse than D.J. 25 00:01:31,534 --> 00:01:34,467 He does not. 26 00:01:34,467 --> 00:01:36,467 You guys leave the room 27 00:01:36,467 --> 00:01:39,534 While dad and me talk to D.J. 28 00:01:39,534 --> 00:01:40,868 Don't screw this up, mother. 29 00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,968 Remember the frog, the turtle-- 30 00:01:42,968 --> 00:01:45,400 Well, this one's too big to flush. 31 00:01:48,033 --> 00:01:51,000 Did he follow you home from school or something? 32 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,300 No. I traded Kenny my comic books for him. 33 00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:57,400 Does Kenny's mom know he traded his dog? 34 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,901 She gave me the dog food. 35 00:02:01,601 --> 00:02:03,167 Well, I'm sorry, D.J., 36 00:02:03,167 --> 00:02:06,567 But you're going to have to take him back, honey. 37 00:02:06,567 --> 00:02:07,667 Why? 38 00:02:07,667 --> 00:02:10,133 Because it's a big responsibility, D.J. 39 00:02:10,133 --> 00:02:12,434 Your sisters aren't going to help you. 40 00:02:12,434 --> 00:02:14,567 Me and daddy are busy, 41 00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:18,634 And last time your dad made that rule. No more pets. 42 00:02:24,567 --> 00:02:26,067 Mmm. Aroo! 43 00:02:26,067 --> 00:02:28,567 Dan, would you like to explain 44 00:02:28,567 --> 00:02:30,567 your no more pets rule 45 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,734 Or keep kissing the dog? 46 00:02:32,734 --> 00:02:36,601 Your mom's right. Kenny's mom has to pick up the dog. 47 00:02:36,601 --> 00:02:38,167 Take him outside. 48 00:02:38,167 --> 00:02:39,100 It's not fair. 49 00:02:42,601 --> 00:02:44,100 He is cute. 50 00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:47,100 Yeah, well, you just fall in love 51 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,367 With anything that licks your nose. 52 00:02:49,367 --> 00:02:52,601 No. It was the way you kicked your leg 53 00:02:52,601 --> 00:02:54,667 When I scratched your tummy. 54 00:02:54,667 --> 00:02:57,200 Hello, Lorraine, it's Roseanne Conner. 55 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,667 Yeah. Yeah, your dog's here. 56 00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:02,601 No, I don't blame you at all. 57 00:03:02,601 --> 00:03:04,634 You had to take a shot, 58 00:03:04,634 --> 00:03:08,200 So when can you come and pick him up? 59 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,067 Ok. I'll see you then. 60 00:03:10,067 --> 00:03:11,067 Thanks. Bye. 61 00:03:11,067 --> 00:03:13,634 I Feel sorry for that dog. 62 00:03:13,634 --> 00:03:15,234 Nobody wants him. It's pitiful. 63 00:03:15,234 --> 00:03:18,701 That reminds me. I need to call Jackie. 64 00:03:18,701 --> 00:03:21,234 I'm kind of worried about her 65 00:03:21,234 --> 00:03:23,534 'Cause she called here last night 66 00:03:23,534 --> 00:03:25,133 all freaked out from the lobo lounge. 67 00:03:25,133 --> 00:03:28,400 She ran into Gary and his brand-new fiancee. 68 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,767 Gary's getting married? 69 00:03:29,767 --> 00:03:33,767 Yeah. She was drunk, so I called her a cab 70 00:03:33,767 --> 00:03:35,167 To get her home. 71 00:03:36,634 --> 00:03:39,868 Come on, sis. Answer the damn phone. 72 00:03:39,868 --> 00:03:42,267 [Ring] 73 00:03:45,667 --> 00:03:48,901 [Ring] 74 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,100 [Ring] 75 00:03:58,100 --> 00:03:59,100 [Ring] 76 00:04:00,167 --> 00:04:02,234 Hello? 77 00:04:03,334 --> 00:04:05,033 Hello? 78 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,033 What in the... 79 00:04:21,033 --> 00:04:22,767 Oh, my... 80 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,033 What did I do? 81 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:35,267 Listen, I dropped my car keys down your toilet. 82 00:04:35,267 --> 00:04:37,133 You'll have to drive me home. 83 00:04:38,200 --> 00:05:31,267 Aah! 84 00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,434 Come on, Jackie, answer the damn phone. 85 00:05:37,434 --> 00:05:39,000 Still no luck, huh? 86 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,434 No. She doesn't even have her answering machine on. 87 00:05:42,434 --> 00:05:45,367 You know, this is so like her. 88 00:05:45,367 --> 00:05:48,100 She gets upset and goes into hiding. 89 00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:50,100 I'm the same way, Roseanne. 90 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:53,400 When I'm feeling down, I don't want to see anyone I don't want a talk to anyone. 91 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,234 Well, see now that's where we differ. 92 00:05:55,234 --> 00:05:56,801 When I'm in a bad mood, 93 00:05:56,801 --> 00:05:59,667 I can't wait to spread it around. 94 00:05:59,667 --> 00:06:00,701 Hey, Leon. 95 00:06:00,701 --> 00:06:01,634 Hi, Dan. 96 00:06:01,634 --> 00:06:03,734 Hello, wife. Hello, friend of wife. 97 00:06:03,734 --> 00:06:04,734 Hey, Danny. 98 00:06:04,734 --> 00:06:06,868 What are you doing here? 99 00:06:06,868 --> 00:06:09,334 I thought we'd go catch a movie. 100 00:06:09,334 --> 00:06:10,901 Yeah? Cool. Ok. 101 00:06:10,901 --> 00:06:13,334 Well, I'll go get my coat. 102 00:06:13,334 --> 00:06:15,901 What happened to your poker game? 103 00:06:15,901 --> 00:06:18,701 Davey canceled, and we're a guy short. 104 00:06:18,701 --> 00:06:21,200 Besides, I'd rather be with my baby. 105 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,334 If you need another player, I love poker. 106 00:06:24,334 --> 00:06:26,234 Baby, the game's back on. 107 00:06:27,834 --> 00:06:30,834 What happened to being with my baby? 108 00:06:30,834 --> 00:06:33,901 We can go to the movies any time. 109 00:06:33,901 --> 00:06:35,834 Yeah, but we don't. 110 00:06:35,834 --> 00:06:37,167 We could. 111 00:06:39,267 --> 00:06:41,767 Don't expect me to sit there 112 00:06:41,767 --> 00:06:43,334 watching you play poker. 113 00:06:43,334 --> 00:06:46,334 Bonnie, want to go to the movies or something? 114 00:06:46,334 --> 00:06:47,634 Sure. 115 00:06:47,634 --> 00:06:52,067 Ok. I'll get Jackie and see who else wants to go. 116 00:06:52,067 --> 00:06:53,400 Great. 117 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,834 So, don't expect me to make any stupid sandwiches 118 00:06:56,834 --> 00:06:58,367 For your poker game. 119 00:06:58,367 --> 00:06:59,868 Oh, Leon, house rules-- 120 00:06:59,868 --> 00:07:02,300 The new guy brings the sandwiches. 121 00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:04,734 No problem. We're in a restaurant. 122 00:07:04,734 --> 00:07:06,367 Roseanne-- 123 00:07:06,367 --> 00:07:07,367 No. 124 00:07:07,367 --> 00:07:08,868 Bonnie-- 125 00:07:08,868 --> 00:07:10,434 No way. 126 00:07:10,434 --> 00:07:13,934 Let's just pick up a pizza on the way over. 127 00:07:18,434 --> 00:07:21,400 I don't want Leon in my house, Dan. 128 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,434 Why not? 129 00:07:22,434 --> 00:07:23,934 Because he's my boss. 130 00:07:23,934 --> 00:07:26,501 Bosses aren't supposed to be in your house. 131 00:07:26,501 --> 00:07:29,567 It's wrong. Don't you see? 132 00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:33,133 He's only going to be here a couple of hours, lose a lot of money then leave. 133 00:07:33,133 --> 00:07:36,167 Don't let him look in the refrigerator. 134 00:07:36,167 --> 00:07:38,968 He'll see everything I swiped from the restaurant. 135 00:07:38,968 --> 00:07:41,467 Mom, the dog ate my slippers, 136 00:07:41,467 --> 00:07:43,534 Destroyed my brand-new sweater, 137 00:07:43,534 --> 00:07:47,934 And now look what he's using as his chew toy. 138 00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:51,767 I hope he bought you dinner first. 139 00:07:51,767 --> 00:07:54,467 Just get rid of him, please. 140 00:07:54,467 --> 00:07:56,901 I'll take care of it. 141 00:07:58,067 --> 00:08:00,133 Did you call Lorraine? 142 00:08:00,133 --> 00:08:01,133 I'm calling. 143 00:08:01,133 --> 00:08:04,067 It's my fourth time today. 144 00:08:06,968 --> 00:08:08,434 Hi, Lorraine. It's Roseanne. 145 00:08:08,434 --> 00:08:12,434 When are you going to come and get this dog? 146 00:08:12,434 --> 00:08:14,901 Oh, a kitchen fire. 147 00:08:16,367 --> 00:08:19,801 Ok. Well, call me up later, then. 148 00:08:19,801 --> 00:08:23,067 A kitchen fire? 149 00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:25,901 Yeah. You wouldn't believe the day Lorraine's had. 150 00:08:25,901 --> 00:08:27,901 First her car breaks down 151 00:08:27,901 --> 00:08:29,901 And now a kitchen fire. 152 00:08:29,901 --> 00:08:32,968 Man, the way her luck is going, 153 00:08:32,968 --> 00:08:36,901 I wouldn't be surprised if some irate mother of three 154 00:08:36,901 --> 00:08:39,934 jams a skanky dog down her throat. 155 00:08:44,467 --> 00:08:45,467 Hi. 156 00:08:45,467 --> 00:08:46,467 Hey. 157 00:08:46,467 --> 00:08:48,033 Is Roseanne ready? 158 00:08:48,033 --> 00:08:49,534 Oh, she's getting changed. 159 00:08:49,534 --> 00:08:52,467 She told me about Gary. I'm really sorry. 160 00:08:52,467 --> 00:08:53,968 Aw, jeez, Dan, no. 161 00:08:53,968 --> 00:08:56,968 I broke up with him months ago. 162 00:08:56,968 --> 00:08:59,634 I mean, I dumped the guy, 163 00:08:59,634 --> 00:09:02,534 So, if he's seeing somebody else, that's his business. 164 00:09:02,534 --> 00:09:05,901 I wish him all the luck in the world. 165 00:09:09,968 --> 00:09:12,367 Do you have any vodka? 166 00:09:21,067 --> 00:09:23,501 The place is ours. Let's eat. 167 00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:25,000 This is great! 168 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,000 Apple pie. 169 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,801 Roseanne, I could lose my job 170 00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:32,300 If anybody found out I let you in here. 171 00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:34,100 Gordon, if you get fired, 172 00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:37,000 It'll be because of those parties you have 173 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,501 In the mattress department. 174 00:09:38,501 --> 00:09:39,501 Ooh, Gordon! 175 00:09:41,501 --> 00:09:44,534 Since the guys have their game, every week, 176 00:09:44,534 --> 00:09:47,534 How about we do this every week? 177 00:09:47,534 --> 00:09:49,033 Yeah. Girls night out. 178 00:09:49,033 --> 00:09:50,534 We could go bowling. 179 00:09:50,534 --> 00:09:52,033 We could play bingo. 180 00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:53,033 Awesome. Great. 181 00:09:53,033 --> 00:09:54,701 Yeah. 182 00:09:54,701 --> 00:09:56,667 Oh, yeah, that's just great. 183 00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:58,100 No, it ain't. 184 00:09:58,100 --> 00:09:59,267 Uh-oh. 185 00:09:59,267 --> 00:10:00,534 Jackie. 186 00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:03,934 Jackie, you're sucking the fun out of this party. 187 00:10:03,934 --> 00:10:05,267 I'm having fun. 188 00:10:05,267 --> 00:10:06,534 No. You're sitting there 189 00:10:06,534 --> 00:10:09,100 Like a great big lump of death. 190 00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:11,601 I'm having a good time. 191 00:10:11,601 --> 00:10:13,634 So, you're upset about Gary. 192 00:10:13,634 --> 00:10:15,634 No, I'm fine about Gary. 193 00:10:15,634 --> 00:10:17,100 What is it, then? 194 00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,400 I can't-- 195 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,801 It's personal. I'll tell you later. 196 00:10:20,801 --> 00:10:23,300 Jackie, these are my closest friends. 197 00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:25,868 Whatever you tell me in confidence 198 00:10:25,868 --> 00:10:27,501 I'll eventually tell them anyway. 199 00:10:28,567 --> 00:10:29,667 Thanks, Roseanne. 200 00:10:29,667 --> 00:10:32,000 Well, that's just how I feel. 201 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:36,567 I say if we can't share our feelings with one another, 202 00:10:36,567 --> 00:10:39,067 We might as well be men. 203 00:10:39,067 --> 00:10:40,067 Hear, hear! 204 00:10:44,133 --> 00:10:47,067 No, I can't. 205 00:10:47,067 --> 00:10:48,133 Oh, Jackie. 206 00:10:48,133 --> 00:10:50,501 You don't have to tell us. 207 00:10:50,501 --> 00:10:53,100 If you want to, we're here for you. 208 00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,000 Oh, god. 209 00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:59,100 Ok. 210 00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:00,200 All right. 211 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,100 I do need to talk about it. 212 00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:04,133 I guess. 213 00:11:11,534 --> 00:11:13,667 Have you ever done something 214 00:11:13,667 --> 00:11:18,200 That you're really ashamed of? 215 00:11:21,601 --> 00:11:23,100 No. Never mind. 216 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,968 Oh, well, I have. 217 00:11:25,968 --> 00:11:28,133 Uh, well... 218 00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:29,634 Well, ok. 219 00:11:29,634 --> 00:11:32,634 Wh-when I was a senior in high school, 220 00:11:32,634 --> 00:11:36,501 I voted for myself for homecoming queen. 221 00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:43,968 I thought you were going to tell that story 222 00:11:43,968 --> 00:11:46,634 About when you wanted to look really popular, 223 00:11:46,634 --> 00:11:49,133 so you gave yourself a hickey 224 00:11:49,133 --> 00:11:50,667 with the vacuum cleaner. 225 00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:52,834 Oh, Roseanne. 226 00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:59,701 I--I would have never told that story, Roseanne. 227 00:11:59,701 --> 00:12:01,667 Oh, whatever. 228 00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:03,601 Ok. 229 00:12:03,601 --> 00:12:04,601 All right. 230 00:12:04,601 --> 00:12:06,100 How about this? 231 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:09,100 The first time I did it with Chuck, 232 00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:13,300 I told him I wasn't a virgin, but I really was. 233 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:16,400 Why would you lie about something like that? 234 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,767 I didn't want him strutting around 235 00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:20,501 Like he was christopher columbus. 236 00:12:20,501 --> 00:12:22,033 Oh, like they do. 237 00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:23,501 That's what they do. 238 00:12:23,501 --> 00:12:24,834 Yes, they do. 239 00:12:26,167 --> 00:12:27,868 Ok. 240 00:12:29,667 --> 00:12:32,200 Uh, this one time, 241 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:35,200 I, uh, wrote this bad check 242 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,701 To the, uh, Jerry Lewis telethon, 243 00:12:37,701 --> 00:12:41,701 Um, just so I could hear him say my name 244 00:12:41,701 --> 00:12:43,334 On television. 245 00:12:43,334 --> 00:12:45,467 Oh, Roseanne, you didn't do that. 246 00:12:45,467 --> 00:12:46,701 Oh, no. 247 00:12:46,701 --> 00:12:48,701 Oh, Jackie, ok, well, 248 00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:50,701 I think I got something 249 00:12:50,701 --> 00:12:53,767 a little more on the lines 250 00:12:53,767 --> 00:12:56,067 of, um, what you'd call shame. 251 00:12:57,601 --> 00:13:00,534 Back when duke and I were drinking, 252 00:13:00,534 --> 00:13:03,701 We kind of like were short on cash, 253 00:13:03,701 --> 00:13:07,534 So, uh, we robbed a liquor store. 254 00:13:07,534 --> 00:13:09,334 Whoa. 255 00:13:10,834 --> 00:13:14,868 Well, I--I guess you really were desperate. 256 00:13:14,868 --> 00:13:16,534 Oh, for god's sake, 257 00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:20,234 people rob liquor stores all the time. 258 00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:22,400 I slept with Arnie. 259 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,734 Aah! Aah! 260 00:13:24,734 --> 00:13:25,734 What? 261 00:13:25,734 --> 00:13:31,067 Oh, Jackie. 262 00:13:32,567 --> 00:13:34,400 You slept with Arnie? 263 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,634 Yeah. It's out in the open. 264 00:13:41,534 --> 00:13:43,467 So, where's all the supportive stuff? 265 00:13:45,601 --> 00:13:48,234 What the hell were you thinking? 266 00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:52,000 I was thinking that I just lost 267 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,167 A great guy like Gary, 268 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:58,067 And now he's gone, and I'll never find another great guy. 269 00:13:58,067 --> 00:13:59,567 I'm 36 years old, 270 00:13:59,567 --> 00:14:02,000 I've got flabby arm and pelican neck, 271 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,000 All my house planets are dead and no one loves me, 272 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,501 But what difference does that make? 273 00:14:06,501 --> 00:14:08,501 Everything in my life sucks. 274 00:14:10,968 --> 00:14:13,400 Oh, well, that's still no excuse. 275 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,767 Uh--I... 276 00:14:14,767 --> 00:14:17,033 Oh-oh, I--I... 277 00:14:17,033 --> 00:14:19,834 I was drunk, I... 278 00:14:24,033 --> 00:14:26,701 I made a mistake. 279 00:14:26,701 --> 00:14:28,601 A mistake? 280 00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:29,601 A mistake. 281 00:14:29,601 --> 00:14:31,367 Jackie! 282 00:14:31,367 --> 00:14:33,367 Do I have to remind you 283 00:14:33,367 --> 00:14:35,567 That when we were in high school 284 00:14:35,567 --> 00:14:37,701 We all took a blood oath 285 00:14:37,701 --> 00:14:40,634 That this man would never be given the chance to breed? 286 00:14:40,634 --> 00:14:43,033 Come on. Come on, guys. 287 00:14:43,033 --> 00:14:45,934 I thought you were going to be there for me. 288 00:14:45,934 --> 00:14:49,400 Well... Give us a minute. 289 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:52,067 Oh, my god. 290 00:14:53,567 --> 00:14:55,000 Do you realize 291 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:58,133 When everybody in this town sees me, 292 00:14:58,133 --> 00:14:59,567 They're going to say, 293 00:14:59,567 --> 00:15:01,000 "There goes the sister 294 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,834 of the woman who slept with Arnie." 295 00:15:04,834 --> 00:15:06,400 People forget, Roseanne. 296 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,901 Don't beat yourself up over this. 297 00:15:08,901 --> 00:15:11,567 You couldn't have seen this coming... 298 00:15:17,234 --> 00:15:19,567 And last card down and dirty. 299 00:15:19,567 --> 00:15:21,067 Speaking of down and dirty, 300 00:15:21,067 --> 00:15:23,434 You guys want to hear what happened last night? 301 00:15:23,434 --> 00:15:24,501 No. No. No. 302 00:15:24,501 --> 00:15:25,767 Anybody want another beer? 303 00:15:25,767 --> 00:15:26,767 Me. 304 00:15:26,767 --> 00:15:27,767 Your bet. 305 00:15:27,767 --> 00:15:29,834 Quarter. 306 00:15:29,834 --> 00:15:31,400 It's really incredible. 307 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,334 I can't believe what happened. 308 00:15:33,334 --> 00:15:34,334 Last night. 309 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:35,334 To me. 310 00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:36,834 Quarter to you, Arnie. 311 00:15:36,834 --> 00:15:39,100 Well, well, well. 312 00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:41,601 A gallon of mayo, 313 00:15:41,601 --> 00:15:43,601 a gallon of pickle chips, 314 00:15:43,601 --> 00:15:45,634 and, yes, it looks like 315 00:15:45,634 --> 00:15:48,501 a tub of rodbell's famous cole slaw. 316 00:15:49,601 --> 00:15:52,267 Just like my refrigerator at home. 317 00:15:52,267 --> 00:15:56,133 Ok, I'll tell you, guys. I'll tell you. 318 00:15:56,133 --> 00:15:58,133 Last night, this really gorgeous chick 319 00:15:58,133 --> 00:15:59,634 Came on to me. 320 00:15:59,634 --> 00:16:01,634 What was she this time, Arnie? 321 00:16:01,634 --> 00:16:03,300 A model, a movie star? 322 00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:05,133 No. This time she was real. 323 00:16:05,133 --> 00:16:06,567 You mean that thing 324 00:16:06,567 --> 00:16:09,634 with you and Kathleen Turner on the monkey bars 325 00:16:09,634 --> 00:16:11,000 never really happened? 326 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,000 I'm not kidding. 327 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,067 Of course not. 328 00:16:13,067 --> 00:16:15,000 Listen, Dan, I'm new here. 329 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,100 Should I treat him like an idiot, too? 330 00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:19,334 We don't stand on ceremony, 331 00:16:19,334 --> 00:16:21,167 But it is considered polite. 332 00:16:21,167 --> 00:16:22,734 Doesn't anyone want to hear? 333 00:16:22,734 --> 00:16:24,634 Cut it out, Arnie. 334 00:16:24,634 --> 00:16:27,133 Yeah, like you'd cheat on Nancy. 335 00:16:27,133 --> 00:16:28,133 I did. 336 00:16:28,133 --> 00:16:29,501 You're not kidding. 337 00:16:29,501 --> 00:16:30,501 No. 338 00:16:30,501 --> 00:16:32,601 What is the matter with you? 339 00:16:32,601 --> 00:16:34,467 You just got Nancy back. 340 00:16:34,467 --> 00:16:36,467 Well, this woman wanted me 341 00:16:36,467 --> 00:16:39,267 And you guys know that never happens. 342 00:16:39,267 --> 00:16:42,334 Arnie, you're engaged. You just don't do it. 343 00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:45,200 Nancy's been real good to you. 344 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,000 Don't act like I'm a criminal. 345 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,267 You guys would have done the same thing. 346 00:16:49,267 --> 00:16:50,667 No way. No. 347 00:16:50,667 --> 00:16:52,300 You're saying that 348 00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:54,234 Because you're married and you're whipped. 349 00:16:54,234 --> 00:16:56,234 He's got you there, Chuckie. 350 00:16:56,234 --> 00:16:57,667 Leon, you're not married. 351 00:16:57,667 --> 00:16:59,267 Help me out here. 352 00:16:59,267 --> 00:17:01,701 Let's say Melanie Griffith wants you bad. 353 00:17:01,701 --> 00:17:03,767 Are you going to tell her no? 354 00:17:03,767 --> 00:17:05,200 Actually, I'd say no. 355 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,200 The hell you would! 356 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,767 You lying dog! 357 00:17:08,767 --> 00:17:11,200 Guys, I'm serious. 358 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:15,267 Sure, you are, Leon. 359 00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:16,701 Didn't Roseanne tell you? 360 00:17:16,701 --> 00:17:18,267 Tell me what? 361 00:17:18,267 --> 00:17:19,467 That I'm gay. 362 00:17:25,033 --> 00:17:28,200 Ha ha ha ha ha. 363 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:29,968 Yeah, right. 364 00:17:31,701 --> 00:17:34,467 Jeez, I-I thought you knew. 365 00:17:36,968 --> 00:17:38,067 No. 366 00:17:38,067 --> 00:17:40,968 No, I mean, you know, it's ok. 367 00:17:40,968 --> 00:17:43,968 It happens. 368 00:17:43,968 --> 00:17:46,601 Yeah. It did. 369 00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:50,934 [Whistling] 370 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,934 Well--well, you know, um... 371 00:17:53,934 --> 00:17:57,834 I--I know a gay guy. 372 00:17:57,834 --> 00:17:59,234 Uh, his name's Bill. 373 00:17:59,234 --> 00:18:01,234 He--he lives in Chicago... 374 00:18:01,234 --> 00:18:03,434 M-maybe you know him. 375 00:18:05,267 --> 00:18:07,767 Yeah. Yeah, sure, I know him. 376 00:18:07,767 --> 00:18:09,434 From Chicago-- gay Bill. 377 00:18:12,434 --> 00:18:14,601 Smooth, Chuckie. 378 00:18:14,601 --> 00:18:15,601 What? 379 00:18:15,601 --> 00:18:18,334 Nobody else is saying anything. 380 00:18:18,334 --> 00:18:19,834 I've got an idea. 381 00:18:19,834 --> 00:18:20,968 Let's play cards. 382 00:18:20,968 --> 00:18:21,968 Thank you. 383 00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:22,968 Who's next? 384 00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:23,968 Ok, Leon. 385 00:18:23,968 --> 00:18:25,534 Forget about Melanie Griffith. 386 00:18:25,534 --> 00:18:28,100 Let's say Andy griffith hits on you. 387 00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:31,300 Are you telling me you'd say no? 388 00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:39,300 Hey listen, Dan, you know you guys are right. 389 00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:41,801 Nancy and I got something special going, 390 00:18:41,801 --> 00:18:44,367 And for me to do what I did-- 391 00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:46,300 I've never sunk so low. 392 00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:48,467 Ok. For the sake of argument. 393 00:18:48,467 --> 00:18:49,968 I'm making some changes. 394 00:18:49,968 --> 00:18:52,234 You're going to see a new Arnie. 395 00:18:52,234 --> 00:18:54,100 You're going to tell Nancy? 396 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,334 Hell, no. 397 00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:58,234 The new Arnie wouldn't rat out the old Arnie. 398 00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:00,801 Well, hi, Arnie. 399 00:19:00,801 --> 00:19:02,367 I gotta go. 400 00:19:02,367 --> 00:19:04,300 I'll walk you to the door. 401 00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:05,167 I insist. 402 00:19:05,167 --> 00:19:07,801 You took advantage of my sister, 403 00:19:07,801 --> 00:19:09,834 And for that, you must die. 404 00:19:09,834 --> 00:19:10,834 Rosie... 405 00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,767 No one took advantage of anybody. 406 00:19:14,767 --> 00:19:16,834 She was drunk and depressed. 407 00:19:16,834 --> 00:19:18,834 Women are like that around me. 408 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,667 Did you tell anybody? 409 00:19:21,667 --> 00:19:22,934 Did you tell Dan? 410 00:19:22,934 --> 00:19:24,234 No, I swear. 411 00:19:24,234 --> 00:19:27,267 If you breathe a word to anybody in this town, 412 00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:28,300 I'm going to tell Nancy. 413 00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:31,467 Don't do that, please. 414 00:19:31,467 --> 00:19:34,133 You stay away from my sister. 415 00:19:35,334 --> 00:19:37,601 Did you clear that with her? 416 00:19:37,601 --> 00:19:42,200 Get out! 417 00:19:47,801 --> 00:19:48,968 Hey, honey. 418 00:19:48,968 --> 00:19:50,868 How come you didn't tell me Leon was gay? 419 00:19:50,868 --> 00:19:52,934 What difference does it make? 420 00:19:52,934 --> 00:19:54,367 You're all pigs. 421 00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:55,367 Ah. 422 00:20:06,367 --> 00:20:07,868 [Knock on door] 423 00:20:08,968 --> 00:20:10,067 [Knock knock] 424 00:20:10,067 --> 00:20:12,868 It's open. 425 00:20:12,868 --> 00:20:14,367 Hey! Are you alone? 426 00:20:14,367 --> 00:20:15,367 Yeah, why? 427 00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:18,901 Who do you think is going to be here? 428 00:20:18,901 --> 00:20:20,400 God knows. 429 00:20:21,834 --> 00:20:22,767 Sorry. 430 00:20:22,767 --> 00:20:24,334 How are you doing? 431 00:20:24,334 --> 00:20:25,334 Ok. 432 00:20:25,334 --> 00:20:26,334 Yeah? 433 00:20:26,334 --> 00:20:27,334 Uh... 434 00:20:27,334 --> 00:20:29,901 Are you mad at me? 435 00:20:29,901 --> 00:20:31,734 Why? 436 00:20:31,734 --> 00:20:32,734 Well... 437 00:20:32,734 --> 00:20:34,234 I figure, you know... 438 00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:36,234 What you did with Arnie, 439 00:20:36,234 --> 00:20:39,467 That was kind of like a cry for help. 440 00:20:39,467 --> 00:20:41,868 More like a scream. 441 00:20:41,868 --> 00:20:43,734 Yeah, and I wasn't listening, 442 00:20:43,734 --> 00:20:45,067 And I want to apologize 443 00:20:45,067 --> 00:20:47,567 For being a jerk last night. 444 00:20:47,567 --> 00:20:49,000 I'm the jerk, Roseanne. 445 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,567 I screwed up my own life, 446 00:20:51,567 --> 00:20:54,534 And I can't blame you or mom, 447 00:20:54,534 --> 00:20:57,033 Or Arnie or Gary, or anybody. 448 00:20:57,033 --> 00:20:58,100 Well, mom? 449 00:20:58,100 --> 00:20:59,367 I've got to figure out 450 00:20:59,367 --> 00:21:02,367 what's wrong with my life and fix it. 451 00:21:02,367 --> 00:21:03,501 First off, 452 00:21:03,501 --> 00:21:05,000 I'm going to stop thinking 453 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,934 my life won't be complete 454 00:21:06,934 --> 00:21:09,367 unless I find a man. 455 00:21:09,367 --> 00:21:11,400 Good for you. 456 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,234 I figured out what I'm going to do about a job. 457 00:21:14,234 --> 00:21:15,968 Something I can be proud of, 458 00:21:15,968 --> 00:21:18,033 like when I was a cop. 459 00:21:18,033 --> 00:21:18,934 What? 460 00:21:18,934 --> 00:21:23,501 Well, it sounds a bit crazy but... 461 00:21:23,501 --> 00:21:26,033 There's a school, over in Elgin? 462 00:21:26,033 --> 00:21:28,033 You're going back to school? 463 00:21:28,033 --> 00:21:29,767 I think that's great. 464 00:21:29,767 --> 00:21:31,200 It's a trucking school, Roseanne. 465 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:35,267 I want to learn how to drive the big rigs. 466 00:21:39,467 --> 00:21:40,968 The big rigs? 467 00:21:40,968 --> 00:21:44,267 I--I never thought of that. 468 00:21:44,267 --> 00:21:46,133 Yeah. You're your own boss, 469 00:21:46,133 --> 00:21:48,501 You make great money, you travel... 470 00:21:48,501 --> 00:21:49,634 Well, go for it. 471 00:21:49,634 --> 00:21:52,634 I wanted to give it more thought... 472 00:21:52,634 --> 00:21:55,133 Not just dive right into it-- 473 00:21:55,133 --> 00:21:56,133 You want to do it--do it. 474 00:21:56,133 --> 00:21:57,133 Really? 475 00:21:57,133 --> 00:21:58,167 Yeah, really. 476 00:21:58,167 --> 00:22:01,567 Elgin is only like an hour from here. 477 00:22:01,567 --> 00:22:02,501 Let's go. 478 00:22:02,501 --> 00:22:03,501 Now? 479 00:22:03,501 --> 00:22:04,601 Yeah, now. 480 00:22:04,601 --> 00:22:07,067 We'll go and get you signed up. 481 00:22:07,067 --> 00:22:08,000 I'll drive. 482 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,000 You think? 483 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,067 Yeah, I think. 484 00:22:10,067 --> 00:22:11,000 Let's go. 485 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,000 Oh, Roseanne. 486 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,000 Thanks. 487 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,000 Oh, god. 488 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,000 Right. 489 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,467 A trucker? God! 490 00:22:26,701 --> 00:22:28,934 Hello, Lorraine, it's Roseanne. 491 00:22:28,934 --> 00:22:32,100 Don't give me that no habla ingles crap. 492 00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:33,634 I know it's you. 493 00:22:33,634 --> 00:22:36,534 Why didn't you come and get this dog? 494 00:22:36,534 --> 00:22:37,534 Oh, right. 495 00:22:37,534 --> 00:22:39,534 Like Kenny has the mumps. 496 00:22:39,534 --> 00:22:41,133 I really believe that. 497 00:22:41,133 --> 00:22:44,033 And stop making like it's a bad connection. 498 00:22:44,033 --> 00:22:45,601 I know it's you. 499 00:22:45,601 --> 00:22:48,534 I'm bringing this dog over to your house 500 00:22:48,534 --> 00:22:49,968 And drop him off, 501 00:22:49,968 --> 00:22:53,033 And you'd better not do what you did before. 502 00:22:53,033 --> 00:22:55,033 I Knew you were home. 503 00:22:55,033 --> 00:22:57,534 As soon as I reached the door, 504 00:22:57,534 --> 00:22:59,033 The lights went off. 505 00:22:59,033 --> 00:23:00,968 They are not security lights. 506 00:23:00,968 --> 00:23:03,033 Security lights don't go out 507 00:23:03,033 --> 00:23:05,567 When someone comes up to the door. 508 00:23:05,567 --> 00:23:06,567 Lorraine! 509 00:23:06,567 --> 00:23:08,167 Lorraine! 510 00:23:08,167 --> 00:23:09,567 Lorraine! 511 00:23:10,567 --> 00:23:20,567 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 512 00:23:20,617 --> 00:23:25,167 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0